March Madness

PS, I can talk about other things that what I'm eating and how it makes me feel. Like, what is the most hilarious name of the year? Roh's bro showed this to me and it has kept me occupied for longer than is appropriate. You must look at it. I vote Muffin Lord.

Days 4,5 and 6

Working at a bar while detoxing is really hard. REALLY hard. Abstaining from alcohol isn't usually that difficult for me, once I get some momentum going. But that stretch from 9:30-10:30 when the dinner rush has subsided and the after-dinner rush hasn't kicked in is when we all usually start drinking out of boredom and curiosity and that hour or so is the hardest part to get through when there's nothing to do with your hands. Or mouth. Or liver.

But I did it. And not only did I make it through a Friday and Saturday night behind the bar without drinking any alcohol, I also worked my Sunday shift while fasting. Yeah! I am proud of myself. So proud in fact that I decided it was ok to eat some bread yesterday. Oops! It was super crunchy and high fiber, but it was bread none the less. I've decided not to beat myself up over it though. I remember reading this person's philosophy on some raw-foodist website about how it is better to think of yourself as going 99% raw than 100%. That way if you make a mistake or slip up, you don't beat yourself up for not being 100% and get all depressed about it, since the whole point of it in the first place is to feel good. So I am 99% detoxing. I ate some bread, I drank some wine that one night. But for the most part, I've been really good to myself the past week, and I'm looking forward to the next one.

That's not to say I don't fantasize about Pizza and beer. I do. Look I even capitalized Pizza like it's a proper noun. But those first few days I was like, "Oh my god, if I don't eat a pizza now I'll die." Now I'm just like, "oh it will be nice to have pizza as an option again." Yeah, the next time I feel like waking up with bags under my eyes and a stomach ache.

DETOX day 3: super easy

You guys, the third day was so easy! I didn't want to eat or drink anything bad. Well ok, I had like 2 sips of wine with dinner, but as soon as I felt the alcohol go to my head I stopped. Also I eat a vegan cookie. It had no dairy or eggs or wheat or refined sugar but it was in a package which I was going to try and avoid. So . . . technically there were a few impurities, but I feel pretty great. Also I went to a killer yoga class at the Shala House. Before she moved back to New Mexico, Emily Hicks introduced me to this teacher Kelly Morris who is totally rad and a total goddess. If you're looking for a good class, check it out.

detox day 2: success!

I made it through! It was actually much easier on the second day than on the first. I didn't even want to drink or eat ice cream, and the fact that it is starting to get nice out and actually feel like spring makes me want to be healthy. Awesome. I also rearranged some furniture and finally got a boxspring thanks to Roh and his Bro. Success all the way around.

detox day 1: utter failure

So I did really well all day. I did yoga, I ate healthy foods, I drank some water with lemon and I made a delicious dinner for R and I. But when the idea of a bottle of wine came up, I just couldn't turn it down. My delicious mediterranean meal cried out for the De Forville Barber D'Alba in my fridge. Plus, red wine has antioxidants and it's good for preventing heart disease right? Ah! Minus ten points for drinking alcohol.

Then it got worse. We went to R's house to play Settlers of Catan, and it was totally impossible for me to play the board game without some of the delicious beer everyone was drinking. I had very little, but I had some none the less. And then to top it all off, since I'd already made some unforgivable mistakes, I pulled the week old chocolate birthday cake out of the fridge and had a few bites.

Complete and utter failure on day 1.

But I get another chance today. And I made some headway on cleaning my apartment to make it more of a sanctuary: I took all my CDs from high school out of the rotting cardboard box in the corner and put them on my computer. Now I have a full square foot more room in my studio!

Spring Cleaning

So it's almost spring. In addition to the traditional 'spring cleaning' I'm giving my apartment, it's also time for some seasonal internal cleansing.

I have two major goals: to make my apartment into a more comfortable and welcoming sanctuary for myself, and to abstain from alcohol, dairy, wheat, caffeine, refined sugar and processed foods for 14 days. We'll see which one proves more difficult.

For the past several years, I've tried to do a 14-day detoxification around the time when the seasons change. Every 4 months or so, I seem to find myself drinking every night and eating cheese and ice cream for dinner several times a week. I feel sluggish and depressed and when I start sleeping for 10 hours a night and still feel groggy in the morning, I know it's time to remind myself that fruits and vegetables are delicious, and that while baguette with olive oil is a delightful european indulgence, it doesn't count as dinner.

However, most often when the seasons change, I don't actually do a proper cleanse. I just think really hard about how I should be doing it, have lunch at Angelica's Kitchen, call myself pure and then celebrate with a bottle of wine. Much of my life centers around eating and drinking (working in a bar as I do, also just really liking food as I do), so it's a real challenge for me to not participate in any part of food-and-wine culture for 2 weeks. So I'm trying to keep myself honest about how well (or poorly) it's going by writing everything down and exposing my challenges and failures to the public so that you all can hold me accountable. If we hang out in the next couple of weeks, don't let me drink that beer or eat that croquette. At least not without admitting to it online.

As far as cleaning my apartment goes, well that's just hard because I'm lazy and have a high tolerance for dust and stacks of paper. This is the first time I've had my own apartment, so I have no one to blame the dirtiness on but me. I also have no one to have a cleaning party with, maybe share a bottle of wine as we mop all the floors and switch wardrobes over from winter to spring. Of course I couldn't even have a cleaning party by myself because I can't have wine at all. Looks like I'll be washing my ceiling fan on my own and celebrating with a cup of peppermint tea.

Food Porn

Ha! I can't deny the voyeuristic pleasure I take in looking at this stuff. I mean, some of it might be good right?

The real Duderina

This is so weird. Don't ask me what I was doing watching this, but really, what if your life was like this? Or your kids life? It would MESS YOU UP! Don't you think?

Duderina Jolie

So a few months ago, I was fortunate enough to have a role on this hilarious and hip web show, Duder, written and directed by the hilarious and hip Matt Kirsch. The show, now finishing it's second season, chronicles the awkward and funny moments in Ricky and Glen lives. These two duders ponder, mock, celebrate and scoff at the various mundane and hilarious situations in which they find themselves. While their observations and discoveries are presented with an ever ironic bent, these duders eschew the utterly apathetic and disdainful outlook that has come to define those pesky hipsters you find in Brooklyn these days. Here's an episode I was lucky enough to have a role in. Don't hate her because she says things like "cool beans" and "ciao". Hate her because she thinks she's the shit:


Another Door Note from duder. on Vimeo.">

good vibes

Send your good thoughts my way, I got two callbacks today.

That was a poem and I didn't even knowm.

Anyway, callbacks for 2 Broadway shows in 1 day! That's crazy! I'm a genius! (At auditioning at least). I want to celebrate by having a drink, but of course now I have callbacks to go to, so I have to save my darling little vocal chords and celebrate by drinking throat-coat herbal tea and watching Gossip Girl from yesterday. DON'T tell me anything about what happens, I haven't gotten to it yet.

So yeah, please send your good thoughts and crossed fingers my way. (Don't really send me your fingers, but cross them and think of me and then maybe tell a little white lie while your at it since your fingers are already crossed and you might as well kill two birds). I'm going in for the cover of 2 leads in a new show called Vanities and then for Sheila in Hair. Woo hoo!

And don't really tell any lies, bad karma.

Fav 5

I got maybe the funniest on-street pick-up line I've ever gotten yesterday. It actually made me laugh out loud rather than hiss and spit.

I had just turned off 5th Avenue in Park Slope onto Sackett street and this guy in the passenger side of a van parked at the corner leaned out the window:

"Hey! Hey baby! Can I put you in my Fav Five?"

I tried to conceal my laughter while checking to see if he was in a t-mobile van or associated with t-mobile in any way. There were no obvious clues. I guess he really had 4 friends and was looking to save on phone calls.

Green Grass

I'm rehearsing a workshop of a new musical. I don't know if I'm supposed to talk about it on the internet so for now I'll call it 'Another Attempt at a Rock Musical: the Musical.' There are some quasi-famous people participating in this workshop. Most every one of the actors involved are currently in Broadway shows (I think I'm the only one who's not which makes me feel very special) and one of them won a Tony last year. My Dad asked me the other night:

"Do you think they're impressed you did Mamma Mia?"
"Dad, when there are Tony winners in the room, no one is impressed by Mamma Mia Las Vegas."

Most people have to leave rehearsal at various times - to go do a matinee or to go to rehearsal for their other show. I had one schedule conflict and it was so I could go work a shift at the bar. The stage manager was like:

"Do you still have that . . . thing to do tomorrow afternoon?"
"Yeah."
"Ok. Just had to ask."
"Ok."
"And you still have to leave at 2?"
"Right."

Then the next day (the day that I had to leave early to go do my "thing"):

"Ok so you still have to leave early?"
"Yes."
"And what time do you have to leave?"
"2."
"Ok, 2:30?"
"No, 2."

We finished rehearsal that day at 12:45 so I don't know what the big deal was.

Then one time I was talking with one of the 'famous' people about his show:

Me: so are you in a show right now?
Him: Yeah I'm in That One -
Me: Oh yeah you're still in That One Musical that Won a Bunch of Awards.
Him: Yup. I'm still grinding away at that one.
Me: Well, that's a pretty good one to be grinding away at.
Him: Yeah I guess so. That's true. It's weird because a lot of the original cast has left now. There were 11 of us in the Broadway production that started with it from the beginning and now there's only 4 of us left.
Me: Oh that must be weird. But that's such a great job to have, there's no reason to leave that show.
H: Yeah exactly, there's no reason to leave until something really great comes along. Maybe this . . . it's cool cause I don't have like a set date I have to leave so I can stay as long as I need to.
M: Oh yeah? You just have like a 4 week out?
H: Yeah.
M: That's awesome. That's so amazing.
H: Yeah, I guess so. I don't know I really wish I didn't have to go do a show tonight.
I touch his arm and look him in the eye. After a dramatic pause-
M: But - but you are so lucky.
as if this has never occurred to him before-
H: Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right.

Work is work I guess. I didn't want to go to the bar, he didn't want to go star in Spring Awakening. (Oops! I let that one slip.) I like to think that when I'm starring in a Broadway show, I'm going to be thankful everyday to be going to work and I'm going to always have all this energy and always be enthusiastic and I'm going to love doing the show every night and it won't feel like work because I'll be living my dream and I'll have worked so long and hard to get there. I also like to think that I'm going to be satisfied once I "get to Broadway" as if I'm there's some magical stasis in which I'm not going to be stressed out any more about my career or my next job or having enough money or having enough talent.

But the grass is so GREEN over there! It's SO GREEN on Broadway!! Even if I were in Spring Awakening, what if I were one of the kids who didn't win a Tony? Then I'd be thinking, "The grass is so green when you have a Tony! I'll be satisfied once I win a Tony." But meanwhile the Tony winner is like, "This Broadway grass is played out. I'll be satisfied once I star in a major studio film." And then you do your movie and you're like, "I wish I'd won an Oscar for that." And then the Oscar winning Hollywood stars are like, "I've lost my artistic integrity, I wish I could do a Broadway show."

So I'm trying to be happy with it for what it is. It is a great opportunity. And I'm meeting all the right people. Maybe it will move on to Broadway and become a big hit, and maybe I'll get to move with it. Or maybe they'll replace me with some skinny 22 year old with a degree in musical theater. Whatevs. I'm trying to be happy with what I have now, because once I get to Broadway, I'm just going to wish I had my nights free.

seriously

You guys, this is a serious blog. Really. It's not tongue in cheek. My tongue is totally where it should be: lightly resting against the back of my upper teeth so as to avoid unconscious jaw tension.

I saw Michelle Williams yesterday at Urban Spring on DeKalb in Fort Greene eating a sandwich of what looked like beets and goat cheese. Her daughter was drinking a smoothie and dressed in an awesome fairy-princess ballet outfit. Her kid looks JUST like Heath Ledger. The resemblance was so striking, it made me sad to think about the recent tragedy. Michelle looked totally beautiful, but totally had that single-mother-tired about her. Not to mention that the-father-of-my-child-recently-died look behind her eyes.

It made me think about how a long time ago, I got a call back for Dawson's Creek. I was pissed when I didn't get cast, and I remember watching the show and hating all the actors on it for getting to be television stars in Hollywood while I ate hot-dish and did nordic skiing in Minnesota.

Now one of them is a Scientologist married to arguably the biggest gay-rumor in Hollywood and the other is a single mother widow. I work at a wine store.

I guess seeing single-mother-widow-Williams reminded me that life is usually insanely unglamorous no matter who you are. It is difficult in varying levels and varyings ways. Surely the Dawson's Creek girls have things that I covet: nice jeans, enough money to eat at Urban Spring, the prospect of getting acting work ever again. But maybe I have things that they think I'm really lucky to have and they wish they had too.

Like 25% employee discount at Thirst Wine Merchants?

Tongue back in to normal cheek position.

Friday night

These things really happen.

Me: what can I bring you?
Lady w/big weird headband who looks like Velma from Scooby Doo: Um, well, I need your help
Me: OK, sure, what do you need?
Velma: Well, cheese.
Me: OK
Velma: What do you like?
Me: Oh, well have you tried the Humboldt Fog? That's a popular one that's kind of famous, or the Robiolo is delicious if you want something mild.
Velma: Well . . .
Me: . . . yes . . .
Velma: yes but which one tastes the most like cheese?
Me: . . .
Velma: . . .
Me: . . . the most like cheese? I guess I don't know what you mean.
Velma: you know, like, cheese, like . . .
Me: . . .
Velma: . . . I'll have the olives.
Me: great

Obama Brown

Maybe I shouldn't be an actress because whenever I watch myself on tape, it makes me hate myself.

These British guys stopped me in Union Square on the way to have brunch with Katy. I of course thought that I gave them thoughtful, intelligent answers to their questions, but they managed to make me look like a douche bag anyway.

Hotlanta

Just when I had dug my apron out of storage, reminded myself of the difference between Bordelaise and Béarnaise, memorized the 13 varietals in Chateauneuf-du-Pape, and braced myself for another year of bullshitting my way through wine sales and memorizing specials in the name of tip-groveling servitude, the acting Gods smiled on me and threw me a little bone. Not that little I guess. Probably like an Osso Buco bone though that still had a little marrow inside of it.

Somehow, after showcasing my acting prowess by awkwardly improvising dialogue with a stuffed bear, I managed to book an AT&T commercial. That's really what happened in the audition. First they were like, "pretend you're walking around and that you are going to use your phone to broadcast your friend singing karaoke in his room, unbeknownst to him." I think I said something like, "Oh, wow, this AT&T videoshare thing is so great, I'm going to make Alden look ridiculous. I hope he sings Journey." (Sorry Alden, for some reason your name was the first that came to mind. You know I'm terrible with improv). They thought that was good so I got to graduate to the next ridiculous audition requirement which was to sit next to a stuffed bear and to react when the bear said weird, mean things to me.

B: hey, hey, will you go out with me?
L: um, no you're a stuffed bear.
B: yeah, but, are you hungry?
L: no I'm f-
B: do you want a sandwich?
L: no really I'm n-
B: do you want swiss cheese on it?
L: no cheese makes me fart
(the director and producers laugh)
B: can I come to work with you?
L: no, I'm a waitress, you'd get-
B: do you wait tables so you can get free food?
L: no I wait tables so I can get tips. I'm a whore.
(directors and producers laugh)

When I left I thought, "wow, there is no way I will never get that job." Especially considering the fact that every other person called back had a UCB resume 3 pages long. But here I am in Atlanta through the end of the week to film this series of viral videos for AT&T. It's not like I'm starring on Broadway or anything, but at least now I can pay my rent for the next couple of months which is always very exciting. And to think all it took was fart jokes and self-deprecation. Maybe improv isn't so scary after all

a couple of things

These video clips of a Fabulous Entourage interview kind of make me hate myself (do I really talk like that? Do I really have a hand gesture for every word I say?) but it seems like the kind of thing someone would post on their blog if they had a blog. And I do. So here you go. Here's me talking about my Midwestern guilt complex:
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You can watch like 20 more of these video clips (don't worry I don't talk in most of them) at www.uncensoredinterview.com. Kind of weird. But it does make you want to come over and hang out in my backyard right?

Tell me What you Want to Hear

You guys, now that I'm moving back to New York (official return date is Sunday February 3rd!) there's no reason to really keep this blog anymore. That is unless ya'll want to hear stories about going on musical theater auditions and playing in a rock band and living in Brooklyn. That might be interesting to someone. I guess I could just try and write witty, pithy stories about funny things that happen to me and all the precious life lessons that I learn as I go through my days. Hmmm. That sounds exactly like the kind of blog I would never read. How about reviews of things? Restaurants? Music? Musicals? Celebrity gossip? Whitman alumni gossip? Musical theater audition gossip? Cute guys on the L-train sightings? Hmm, I just don't know. Maybe I'll start writing songs and post them in unfinished form on here and then people can write in and tell me what they think of them. That puts a lot of pressure on you guys though. Well, I won't make any major decisions yet, but I'm taking suggestions. Tell me what you want to hear and I'll give it to you.

Homecoming

Wow. I am lazy. I wish I had a better excuse for not posting for an entire month, but the truth is that there were episodes of Heroes to be watched, trips to Whole Foods to be made and lame, rambling riffs on the guitar to be played ad nauseum. And those things just took precedence over blogging. Also Christmas happened. And before that my Grandma died, and before that Thanksgiving happened. And in between there were lots of people visiting. So, hopefully those excuses will suffice.

So after 6 months of ABBA, gambling, palm trees, high winds, a walk-in closet, a Ford Focus and a Mucinex addiction, the time has come to return home. Hooray! My last performance will be on Sunday January 27th after which I'll go home to Minnesota for a few days and then head back to sweet, sweet, delicious New York.

So we should totes party when I get back. And I extend that invitation to anyone who finds themselves reading this. Bring your plus-one and let's hang out because chances are I've missed you. And if I've forgotten you in the hustle and bustle of my fabulous Vegas life, then once you remind me who you are I'll totally realize that I have missed you all along. I will be accepting congratulatory drinks, dinners, lunches, shows and yoga classes through February. xoxoxoxoxoxo

Scheduling

Just so you guys know, available visiting hours are disappearing quickly. So if you're planning a trip to visit me out here in the desert, you should start thinking about it now. November is totally booked! That's right, every weekend this month, including Thanksgiving, I will have people in town (sometimes multiple people) so start looking at December and January. Here's the schedule:

11/9 - 11/11 - Mom and Dad Winters! Also Darrell's Grandma Sue! (that's right, I'll host other people's family members)
11/15 - 11/18 - Possibly some guy I've been facebooking with for the past 2 months who is going to the Billy Joel concert. He assumed he could crash at my place, but when I told him I didn't think that was prudent, I think he canceled his trip. Yikes!
11/17 - 11/19 - My dear voice coach and mentor Gwen Arment and her husband (don't know his name, but I bet he's cool)
11/19 - 11/21 - My second favorite band member and band member-significant-other Kyle Jarrow and Sarah Sloboda!
11/23 - 11/26 - Darrell and his bro-bear (his term, not mine) Christian.

Also December 2-5 someone named Polly from the Whitman College Alumni Relations Office is going to be here and January 3-5 some dear friends from high school (Dave Olson and Lars Nelson, could you get anymore Scandinavian?) will be in town. I haven't officially been offered to renew my contract, so I haven't officially declined to renew it, but at this point, it looks like I'll be coming home to New York at the end of January when my 6 months is up. So if you want to come and see me in the Mia, start checking those flights.

Libby